When does a vow end? How does it end? If you are a person who values your integrity and believes in meaning what you say, then can you ever "end" a vow? When I wrote down my words and then released them into the heavens above the church we married in, to touch the ears of all our friends and family and especially my beloved and God, I meant them. And I believe I kept them, to the best of my ability. I remained loyal and faithful and committed for the past 6 1/2 years (even before that, if truth be told, as we made our vows to each other a year before). So now, my beloved, he is gone. He did not keep his word, his promise, his vows. But does that invalidate the words I said and the promise I made? Does that end the vow "contract". If I truly meant what I said..."till death do us part"...then can I in good faith and with integrity, end my promise? I know he is gone, the marriage is over, the relationship is dead. But I am struggling with the dissonance between being a "woman of my word" and moving on. Is there a delete button, an editing function, in the world of vows? Not the legal world, but the ethical, spiritual realm.
The problem is, I still mean what I said...it's just that the person I vowed it to is gone, so it seems rather impotent, like watering a plastic flower. I still love him. I am still loyal to him. But he is gone. So what do I do with my orphaned vows?
Q
Are you sitting down?
11 years ago
Posts
4 comments:
You do have a way of going right for the throat of an issue, don't you? I love your writing - you have a better way of expressing humanity than just about anybody I know.
I'd enjoy talking at length.
bweesner1939@yahoo.com
JB
Okay, I've had time to think about it. Your post deserves a serious answer. In our times it's so easy to blame someone else for our actions. "He broke his vow, so it's okay for me to break mine. There's even an "out" in the Bible, and that is very real forgivness. We are forgiven, and that's a fact. Yet a vow is made by a person alone, not conditioned on anything said or done by someone else. So when you break a vow you are always doing it with a knowing will, and in your own eyes at least, you are changed because of it. I suspect that by asking the question, this is the answer for which you were searching.
JB
Hello ... me again. The first of your posts that I read was so moving that it stayed with me. With your permission, I'd like to include it as part of one of my posts on people.
Thank you.
JB
Hi, Q:
I found your writings through Mr. Bunny's blog. I'm so sorry you have been deserted by your husband. He actually sounds like a bad prize anyway, as you mentioned he turned you into his mother. Guys like that are a mess.
I had a lover like that, a live-in boyfriend (before I was Christian). He up and left me, and only told me a week before he was thinking of leaving. The coward took all his stuff out when I was at work, with a friend. He also never told me where he went.
I grieved for about a month, but then met the man I am married to now. Not that that should be everyone's goal, to immediately find another person, but in my case I promptly forgot about what's-his-name.
I've been married for going on 12 years now. And what's-his-name is still living a fractured life, repeating the same pattern over and over with other people. He really is a lost person.
Just keep feeling it all. The more you process it, and don't avoid it, it goes away faster. At least that is what I have noticed. And of course, bring it all to God.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
In Christ,
LuLu
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