Strange days

Merry Christmas

I could use the excuse that I am trying to reduce my carbon footprint, to be more eco-minded and save some trees by not sending out cards. The truth is I have just been so crazy busy, this is the best way for me to send out my sincere Christmas greetings and to update you on a very intense year.

As you likely know, in early December last year, A left me to return to Scotland for good. To say I was devastated would be putting it mildly. I stumbled my way through the holiday season last year, with the help of friends, family and the pharmaceutical industry. Since then, LOTS has happened….

Upon reflection, I can see that my year was divided into thirds, though by accident or divine intervention, not by design. For the first 4 months I was pretty down. I did my best to not be home, spending weekends in Vancouver with my best friend J and her husband E, who kindly provided me with shelter and refuge. Lots of the usual stuff people do when they’re in shock and sad, you know, sloppy, sappy, messy stuff. My family, friends and coworkers were wonderful, but I am a bit like an injured cat, just want to go into the corner and lick my wounds alone.

Around April I decided to try out living again. To my surprise I found that it could still be interesting and fun, and there really might be a future. Spent the summer in total distraction—lots of trips to Vancouver, some time at Whistler, neglecting all responsibilities (well, not the important ones like work, paying bills or feeding the cats) and just enjoying myself. In August I suddenly made some decisions—cleared out all of A’s stuff and put the house on the market. Was very fortunate to receive an offer after 3 weeks and closed the sale Sept. 15. I spent the next few months selling off furniture, purging all my material goods, sorting through all I have accumulated in the past 7 years.

I applied for some jobs in Vancouver and was offered a position as Clinical Supervisor with Vancouver Coastal Health at the Richmond Child and Adolescent Program. It is a great position, although it means leaving the government, with whom I have been for 20 years. A bit like leaving home, very scary to leave the security of seniority and “the known”. But my pension is transferrable, the benefits are about the same, and although I won’t have any seniority, I still start at 4 weeks vacation, and the pay is substantially better. It is an exciting challenge, as it is a whole new system to learn, new people, a new community. I will not have a case load; I will provide clinical supervision to 10 therapists across 3 teams, and be involved in training and program development. I start this new position on January 26.

So, where will I be living? Well, I bought a condo in Vancouver a couple weeks ago. The subjects were removed the same day the sale of my home completed—December 15, my 43rd birthday, and 1 year and 1 week since A left. It is all I wanted, and just happens to be in the same building as my best friend, so that is an added bonus. It is downtown, right near the future Olympic village, on the edge of Yaletown, east shore of False Creek. The building is 4 years old, has an indoor pool (which I am SO excited about) and is very secure. My apartment is two bedrooms and two bathrooms, just over 1000 square feet, new hardwood floors, gas fireplace, balcony and lots of windows. I am very excited! I move in on January 16. In the interim, the cats and I have bunked in with Mom, and I am back in the same bedroom I was last in when I was 17. It’s all good though.

What else is new this year? Deciding to go all the way with the “out with the old” theme, I traded in my 1998 Ford Escort for a 2009 Ford Escape, candy-apple red and so sweet! Also consoled myself with lots of retail therapy while at the same time selling off household possessions—kind of in one door and out the other. I renewed an interest in creative writing and have been getting some encouraging feedback. I started an angst-ridden, anonymous blog and ended up with a bit of a readership. As a result I am currently co writing a play with an actual writer who has made a living as such and has written and directed several plays across the US. Weird stuff.

So, it has been a very strange year. The best of times and the worst of times. I have learned a lot, about others and about myself. My family has been incredibly supportive, obliging my request to not speak badly about A. You see, despite what he did, I have not been angry with him. I want only the best for him, and truly hope he can find the happiness that has eluded him. My friends know me so well, they support me when I let them, leave me alone when I need to be. I have met some amazing people over the year who have been encouraging and provided me with an optimistic alternative to what I had previously thought would be my future. It is comforting to know that others have “gone before me” in terms of this particular life crisis, and have survived. And in the midst of this historic downturn in the world’s economy I have bought a condo in downtown Vancouver, a brand new vehicle and am starting a job that pays more money. I’ve always been a bit out of sync with everyone else…

With that, I would like to thank everyone for their support, love and friendship, and to wish you a very happy Christmas and an amazing 2009. I, on the other hand, am wishing myself a comparatively calm and unexciting New Year.

Love Susie (and Peaches & Cromwell)