Walk in
Walk out
Leave your face at the door
I see your smile; it haunts my mind
And drips from my eyes to the floor
Take my trust
Steal my soul
Render me wasted and bare
Puncture my veins; bleed me of life
Accept me; say you care
Weaken my knees
Strangle my strength
Tug on my heart with your claws
Feast on my fear
TELL ME YOU CARE
Lie to me; bring back what was....
Okay, I wrote that quite some time ago, for another unrequited love, but never was able to finish it. I think I found the words. But it describes more aptly what I felt 8 weeks ago, although I could never have concentrated long enough to actually think of words then. I do want What Was. But I know it is gone, and absolutely unfair of me to expect someone to change fundamentally in order to support my happiness. I wouldn't be happy anyway. I so accutely feel the pain of those I love, that I am far healthier and happier when THEY are happy. But I do miss the illusion of normalcy---married, nice house, all so very middle class. Now I fear I am again being exposed for the alien I am, that I have always been. So unlike the others, so desperate to keep that a secret.
Q
Are you sitting down?
11 years ago
Posts
4 comments:
I think one of the things I most enjoy about you is that you are not only a poet, but a romantic in the true sense of the word. You reach me with every post.
JB
Q, your story sounds like me when I was wrenched away from my favourite city...suddenly every street was unfamiliar, the voices were harsher, darker, and I had to navigate a weird new transit system. I hated the new city and wanted my old cocoon back. I figured it would take me a few weeks to get used to the new place, but almost a year later, I'm still longing for my familiar paths and byways.
So when that longing for What Was comes, don't feel like you need to squash it or deny it. Let it wash over you and come out stronger on the other side. Give yourself the time and space you need, and never apologise for feeling the way you do. Be strong, be beautiful.
You are on a new journey for which you think you are not equipped. But trust me when I tell you that what you need for everyday has a way of showing up.
The pain will subside. the hauntings will fade and one day, although you will never forget it, this time in your life will be remembered fondly as a special time. When nothing is certain, everything is possible.
Dare to dream, dare to hope dare to become the best version of yourself. Become outrageously successful. Living well is the best revenge. You sound stronger every time I read your posts.
God bless you.
Jack: always grateful for your words of encouragement and support, thank you. I am honoured and humbled that my writing can touch you.
Nicki: Thank you so much for commenting (and reading). I relate to your comparison--I have often thought that I feel like I have lost my bearings, lost my compass or map. Thank you for your words of strength.
Julie: I appreciate the encouragement; I know that things do get better with time, I am feeling it already. Do I really sound stronger? Yay!
Q
Post a Comment